Snappy Answers To Stupid Headlines For February 28, 2011

RW Site "Conservapedia" Writes: "Wonder why you're hearing so little about the Oscar winners? Because the conservative film The King's Speech destroyed the liberal Facebook movie about the gossip site that lowers academic performance and breaks up marriages."

Oh, Sweet Jesus on Hockey Skates. The conservative film "The King's Speech"? How do we break it to them? Newly-minted Oscar winning Colin Firth was not only, I'm proud to say, a regular viewer of Countdown, but he also served as the guest editor of a BBC 4 Radio program late last year. He asked its staff to conduct scientific studies on whether political point-of-view was influenced by the specific physical structure of a person's brain. Or, to put it in his blunter personal style: "I just decided to find out what was biologically wrong with people who don't agree with me."

In short, he was trying to figure out what's wrong with conservatives.

CNN Re-Tools Parker-Spitzer

So do I understand the format of the new CNN 8 PM show correctly? It's Governor Spitzer with a different woman every night who is paid to spend an hour with him?

Why does this sound so familiar?

Newt Gingrich To Decide Within Two Weeks Whether Or Not To Finish 10th Among Would-Be Republican Presidential Candidates

At the very start of my career in television politics – literally not two months after the Clinton-Lewinsky story broke – I was honored by an invitation from The Washington Post to sit at its main table at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. There I heard the then-Speaker, just before his latest crisis, his latest woman, his latest crash, drone on and on about stuff that could have come right out of the court of Louis XVI. I turned to the ex-New York Congressman seated next to me and said "I don't agree with a word this man is saying, but at least he believes it." The ex-Congressman spat a profanity. "The hell he does. Newt believes in focus groups. He's 100% focus groups and internal polls. If a focus group told him to dress up like a donkey to get elected, he'd do it."

In just the time since, Gingrich has talked about narrowing the First Amendment (how does that work for you, Tea Partiers and Strict Constitutionalists?) and stage-managed an impeachment that left the presidential victim more popular than ever, and managed to oust from office, only himself. This has made him extremely popular with lunatics.

As the old joke goes: For people who like this sort of stuff, this is the kind of stuff they like.

Run for President? Jeez, Newt, that donkey suit is probably still around somewhere.