Snappy Answers to Stupid Headlines for February 25, 2011

GADDAFI MAKES ANOTHER SPEECH IN FUNNY HAT. TELLS LIBYA: KEEP DANCING, KEEP CHANTING:
Answer? The quick translation: "Don't worry. Be happy."

CHARLIE SHEEN: TWO AND A HALF MEN, 99 AND 44/100 PERCENT SANE:
Answer: Charlie knows, if you simply quit a show or a career you can no longer handle by retiring or resigning, Hollywood brands you evil and bans you forever. If you quit a show or a career you can no longerhandle by flaming out, shoplifting, speaking anti-somebody, and/or winding up in rehab, that they can forgive.

WISCONSIN REPUBLICANS CONTINUE TO CHIDE DEMOCRATS FOR LEAVING STATE:
Answer? You'll never believe which Illinois politician once bolted out the window to prevent a draconian vote about a deficit.

ROGER AILES CAUGHT ON TAPE ENCOURAGING JUDITH REGAN TO LIE TO AUTHORITIES:
Answer: Thank goodness he doesn't work at a news organization or he'd have been fired by now.

RAND PAUL ON LETTERMAN; SAME NIGHT AS STUPID PET TRICKS:
Answer? Coincidence? I think not.

KATHLEEN PARKER LEAVES CNN'S PARKER-SPITZER:
Answer? Spitzer? I didn't even Parker!